Medical Fetish

How to pickup women in

October 9, 2005

Pregnancy Test

Filed under: Uncategorized, pregnant, gyno, gyn exams — Administrator @ 7:37 am

I came in last week at 7AM to be told that there was a lady in room 4 who was 5 months pregnant complaining of her water breaking. Well, that will get an OB excited in a hurry, because 5 months could actually be 24 weeks ,which is the threshold of fetal viability. I went quickly into the room with my ultrasound to assess her for possible preterm rupture of membranes. I found a lady with crack hands and crack brain lying on the table clutching her belly. She stated that her water done broke all over at 6 AM today, and she’s 5 months along. I feel her belly and can’t find a big uterus, but think maybe she just has a really small pregnancy with no fluid left. However, I then put on my ultrasound and see an empty uterus. Well, she could be very early in her pregnancy and just horribly mistaken about dates, so I do a pelvic exam and find nothing there either. When asked what she and her boyfriend had been smoking or otherwise ingesting last night, she giggles and denies crack. The guy laughs and states that he had some angel dust.

She kicked him out of the room to tell me that she had been going to the HIV clinic for a month or so, but he doesn’t know. At least she told me.

While I was waiting for crack lady’s pregnancy test to come back negative so that I can get her out of my urgent care, my shy latina clinic assistant found me and mumbled something in a very thick accent. I understood “husband” but not much else, and she seemed quite embarrassed about it. A few minutes later, the other nurse enlightened me that the assistant had walked into the room to retrieve linens and found the couple fornicating on the floor. At 8 AM, after she had called the ambulance for her broken water, she was passing on HIV and orgasms in exchange for crack, and doing it on the floor of my urgent care center.

We kicked him out into the waiting room and put her in a room with no door in direct view of the nurses’ station, and she still eloped with her IV, IV pole, and gown before we got our drug screen. Given that she had tested positive for cocaine in February, I guess I didn’t really need it. The pregnancy test was negative, so had she just peed on herself like crack ladies do. She’ll be back next month, but I won’t!! This was my last week on the worst duty ever.

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